Today Mina didn’t eat at all until around 9 p.m. She ate some liver treats, ate a half jar of baby food with the Forti-Flora mixed in, but that was all until I got the beef casserole stuff out of the oven. I knew she was hungry and she ate close to a quarter-pound of the beef, rice, eggs, pureed summer squash, garlic, and parsley mixture. She also took the last dose of Mirtazipine.

All day she’s been in a pretty good mood. She grabbed her squeaky moose for us to play with, she barked at the window when anyone walked by, she took walks and met some of her canine pals, and she took lots of naps.

Then, about a half hour ago, she came out of the bedroom and was restless. I asked if she needed to go outside and she walked to the door so out we went. She had a fairly normal looking bowel movement, then she started vomiting. Everything she ate came up in two big piles on the sidewalk (I cleaned it up best I could). Now she seems pretty tired and is resting.

Mina is clearly very sick. I called PWEVC and Dr. Smith wasn’t in and since she doesn’t have any more stomach contents, I’m not taking her in at this point. If she vomits again tonight then we’ll go.

I wrote Dr. Smith an e-mail message detailing Mina’s behavior and appetite the last two days and a full list of every med and supplement she’s taken in the past two days. I stated clearly that on Tuesday I want an ultrasound of her gut and that I’ll pay for it. I need to know if the cancer is causing all of this diarrhea and gurgling stomach and lack of appetite and vomiting. Because between her weight loss for two weeks and that e-mail message and now this vomiting, I am losing hope. In fact, I’d say it’s pretty much lost.

s.

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Since last Tuesday when we visited the PWCEV because Mina was vomiting, she hasn’t recovered. Her spirits are very low and she’s eating very little. I just gave her some pancakes from my plate, which she enjoyed, but she’s made no move on her own food.

Yesterday I went to work but left after four hours because her Auntie LoLo reported that she was listless, uninterested in going outside, and depressed. I’d spent the morning trying to get work done but found myself crying quite a bit and feeling utterly destroyed. On my way home I determined to straighten up because Mina doesn’t need to see me like that. I walked in the door, genuinely glad to see her, and she tried to jump up to greet me. We went walking all the way to the leasing office where she got more attention (and some of the lemon cupcakes I’d made on Tuesday).

Since then she’s laid on the tile in the doorway and drinks very little water and eats very little. She did eat her breakfast yesterday somewhere between 10:30-11:30 a.m., but she didn’t eat again until midnight and didn’t finish it all. This morning she’s eaten only pancakes and a biscuit from Auntie Sue.

See, I want to do things that she enjoys so we went for an early morning drive in the country. We used to do this often, before gas prices got so high, but haven’t in a couple of years. I called and woke up Auntie Sue and Uncle Robin and, presumably, Cousins Amber and Pearl and drove to their place. Mina perked up quite a bit, drank a sip or two of water, ate the biscuit and then rested on the cool tile in the sun room. Since we got home she’s again retired to the tile in the entryway and hasn’t moved at all.

She takes her medicine in the Pill Pockets, but nothing seems to help her condition. I don’t know if it’s the cancer making a big increase in her body, or if she’s giving up. I think it’s doubtful she’ll be given any more chemo, she’s simply too weak. I think by the end of today I’ll need to carry her up and down the stairs because she struggles to get down.

I don’t know what to do. I’m going to see Star Trek at noon so I’ll be gone for about three hours – maybe she’ll eat? I’m going to ask my neighbor to check on her and text me if there’s anything wrong.

This can’t be how it ends.

s.

Mina refused her breakfast this morning, the same breakfast she gobbled up yesterday morning. She’s listless, depressed, and nothing I could do cheered her up. Of course, I’m utterly distraught and heartbroken at the news that her spleen isn’t responding to the chemo drugs and Mina knows me better than anyone else and can tell when I’m faking a good mood.

I’m angry and bitchy and ::thisclose:: to tears and I want her to live, damn it. I want her to get well and nothing I’m doing is working.

s.