Since last Tuesday when we visited the PWCEV because Mina was vomiting, she hasn’t recovered. Her spirits are very low and she’s eating very little. I just gave her some pancakes from my plate, which she enjoyed, but she’s made no move on her own food.

Yesterday I went to work but left after four hours because her Auntie LoLo reported that she was listless, uninterested in going outside, and depressed. I’d spent the morning trying to get work done but found myself crying quite a bit and feeling utterly destroyed. On my way home I determined to straighten up because Mina doesn’t need to see me like that. I walked in the door, genuinely glad to see her, and she tried to jump up to greet me. We went walking all the way to the leasing office where she got more attention (and some of the lemon cupcakes I’d made on Tuesday).

Since then she’s laid on the tile in the doorway and drinks very little water and eats very little. She did eat her breakfast yesterday somewhere between 10:30-11:30 a.m., but she didn’t eat again until midnight and didn’t finish it all. This morning she’s eaten only pancakes and a biscuit from Auntie Sue.

See, I want to do things that she enjoys so we went for an early morning drive in the country. We used to do this often, before gas prices got so high, but haven’t in a couple of years. I called and woke up Auntie Sue and Uncle Robin and, presumably, Cousins Amber and Pearl and drove to their place. Mina perked up quite a bit, drank a sip or two of water, ate the biscuit and then rested on the cool tile in the sun room. Since we got home she’s again retired to the tile in the entryway and hasn’t moved at all.

She takes her medicine in the Pill Pockets, but nothing seems to help her condition. I don’t know if it’s the cancer making a big increase in her body, or if she’s giving up. I think it’s doubtful she’ll be given any more chemo, she’s simply too weak. I think by the end of today I’ll need to carry her up and down the stairs because she struggles to get down.

I don’t know what to do. I’m going to see Star Trek at noon so I’ll be gone for about three hours – maybe she’ll eat? I’m going to ask my neighbor to check on her and text me if there’s anything wrong.

This can’t be how it ends.