Yesterday was a long day. Bad commute. Late night event that lasted until 3 a.m. Awake for 24 hours straight. Not much sleep today. You get my drift, I’m sure.

So, I’m home alone on a vacation day, feeling tired and worn out, and all I can think of to make myself feel better is to stretch out next to Mina and rub her tummy and kiss her sweet, pretty face. I can imagine doing that, and I can remember exactly how she felt all soft and warm and sleepy while I rubbed her tummy, but I can’t actually have that comfort.

That sucks.

If I keep myself busy and distracted then I can keep out the sad thoughts. It’s when I’m tired or worn down that I can’t fight off the sad feelings. The worst is knowing when she’s not around, like when I dropped in on Auntie Sue last Sunday. It was clear that Mina had declined my invitation to drive out that way on a hot, humid day because when I walked in the cats (Cousins Amber and Pearl) didn’t scatter. Can’t say I blame Mina because she hated temperatures above 75F, but it made me sorta sad.

I think she’s around today because I’m quiet and sticking close to home. She liked it when I wasn’t bustling about, cleaning this and that and running the DEVIL VACUUM CLEANER – she could get more of my attention when I wasn’t busy. I remember so many times when I’d was busy on a weekend day and, after a couple of hours of busy, Mina would find me and put her nose on my leg or prance around in front of me, or just sit pretty and stare at me to let me know that she needed my attention.

I wonder if she knew how insanely flattered I was by that? I wonder if she knows how much I miss her?

s.

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It’s a good thing Mina is popular with all of her vets because I am certain they’re not so fond of me.

I called VIMP this morning because Mina just won’t eat anything in her bowl and she didn’t show much interest in my breakfast this morning. She slept most of yesterday but we did take three walks around the property. I don’t know where she gets any energy on the very few calories she’s taking in.

Dr. Birnbaum’s LVT explained that when Mina came in for her staging appointment that she was already down to 50 pounds. So to VIMP, she’s only lost a little more than a pound and it fluctuates back and forth. That’s why they’re not worried about her weight loss. I explained that in late February when Mina first started rejecting her food regularly, she weighed 54 pounds so, to me, she’s lost six pounds overall. At least now I understand why VIMP is so casual about Mina’s bones sticking out all over.

Dr. B. also called in a prescription for Mirtazapine again, so I’ll pick that up today and start her on it tonight. That’s the anti-depressant known as Remeron, that she takes before bedtime and wakes up ready to eat. It helped her appetite back in May so I’m hoping it will help again. Can’t hurt if it takes the edge off of Mina’s anxiety, either.

This morning we walked for nearly 25 minutes! Not bad for an arthritic cancer patient of 12.7 years. She wasn’t interested in her breakfast, which I served in a ceramic bowl inside her regular metal bowl because my dear friend, Jill, explained that chemotherapy leaves a metallic taste in human mouths and it might be the same for canines. So, I should cook and serve her food in non-metal dishes.

Then, she figured out there are pills in the tofu cream cheese that I made. She spit them out on the carpet, I retrieved them and pushed them down her throat, and Mina promptly heaved ’em back onto the carpet. I lost my temper and yelled at her and grabbed the pills and pushed them all the way down her throat. Then I sat at my desk and fumed for a bit until Mina came over, tail tucked, eyes wide and sorrowful, nudging my leg with her nose.

I petted her for a few minutes and then decided I needed to get out for some fresh air. I went to the Battlefield Park but that mission turned out to be a bust, so drove to the only store around that sells Earth’s Best Organic baby food and nearly cleaned them out of second year chicken and turkey jars. That was only eight jars, BTW.

When I got home we went outside for a quick pee and then I fed her two jars of chicken and sweet potatoes and a jar of turkey and vegetables. It keeps her from starving but it’s not the nutrition she needs. I noticed she’d been scratching the wound on her face so we cleaned that up with some iodine and Neosporin and I put more Vagisil on her ears.

Today we’re going to drive out to Amissville again to pick up our order of Chow Now. Tomorrow, Mina is going to visit Auntie Sue, Uncle Robin and feline cousins Amber and Pearl while I attend a friend’s vegan wedding. Auntie Sue has crafts planned for Mina, which is usually pretty cool. Last time Mina stayed for the day they made a plaque of pink homemade Play Dough and pressed Mina’s paw into it, inscribed it with her name and the year and it’s hanging by a ribbon above my bookcase.

Crappy cell phone picture - it really is pink!

Crappy cell phone picture - it really is pink!

I feel like I’m not sitting inside the roller coaster car sometimes, but hanging on to the last car for dear life.

s.