Not long after you left, I asked a friend how I’d fill the time by myself that you and I spent together. You know what I mean, the morning time and the evening time when we took our walks together. She told me then that I’d find things to fill those times of day and still complain about not enough hours in the day.

She was right, of course, as all my friends who’ve experienced the deep grief of a lost beloved have been right. But I think you would not approve of how I fill that time in the morning when we used to take our early morning walk …

moon rise, october 4, 2009

10.4.09, taken during morning walk with Mina

Internet time. I know, I know, you were no fan of the computer because it distracted me from spending time with you. Our morning time was precious because it was brief and we wouldn’t see each other again until afternoon. But I’m sure you understand that I have to do something to fill that hour and, yes, I could go for my own morning walk, that’s true. Trust me, I feel your disapproval sometimes.

Honestly, I do try to honor the 8:30 p.m. curfew on computer time. It’s pretty easy to do most evenings because I fill the time we used to walk together by getting ready for the next work day. Yes, there are some evenings I’m tweeting and surfing and e-mailing until much later. Believe me, there’s nothing I’d rather be doing than spending that time with you, fur-face.

Some of the rules are still in place because they keep me out of trouble, but I’m much better now about going out to run an errand, or something, after my workout. Breaking that rule took a few months because coming home and leaving again was your number one crime!

mina walking in herndon 2005

Walking in Herndon, Virginia in 2005

I miss you every single day, Miss Bean. I live a different life now without you – not a better one, but a different one. I love you the most.

Advertisements