I’ve written before that I still talk to Mina. I talk to her a lot, actually. It helps stave off some of the awful loneliness, especially at night. Whenever I leave the apartment, I tell Mina that I love her and when I’ll be home and wish her a wonderful day in heaven. I talk to her when I return home from wherever I’ve been, tell her what’s going on, ask how her day is going, and tell her I love her. Maybe this makes me look crazy, but right now I think it’s keeping me sane. I always tell her “good night” and express how much I miss her and how much I love her.

My friend Colleen commented once that she thought her “nattering” on at her sweet Tosca somehow annoyed Tosca. I disagree. I think the sounds of our voices talking to our canine beloveds is comforting to them. I know it was for Mina because whenever she thought I was too quiet on a walk, she’d stop and look up at me and I’d give her head a kiss and tell her I was fine. Then we continued on our way, me walking behind Mina’s perky trot.

Recently, Colleen told me something that I find incredibly comforting. “Do you ever hear ringing in your ears? “They” say that can be the other world talking to you from the other vibrational realm so maybe when you hear that ringing you’ll know Mina is talking to you.” Well, my ears ring from time to time and I always thought I was just tired or anxious about something. To think that it’s Mina talking to me is pretty damn cool. I’d like to think she misses me, too, although I don’t believe it makes her unhappy. One cannot be unhappy in heaven, right?

This morning after my alarm sounded and I was considering getting up to get ready for sanctuary chores, I had this sudden and very sweet memory of blowing “gezurberts” on Mina’s belly. That was the word one of her former petsitters used for raspberries. I saw Mina’s pink belly and recalled how it felt to give her a big, full body hug, and how she’d try to wriggle away. Usually, she’d grab a toy and invite me to play with her for a while. I think the “gezurberts” made Mina laugh.

It was so nice to have a happy memory of her, especially such a clear one. I still look for her without even realizing it, I still miss her with all my heart.

I hope you can hear me, Mina Bean …

s.

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