Hey there Bean,

Boy do I miss you right now. Things are kinda falling apart and I miss having you near me to offer your tummy for a belly rub or to kiss my face. I know you’re sort of floating around me from time to time because I’ve noticed that I can smell you sometimes. It’s fleeting but just last night while I was taking a seat on the couch to watch TV I got a very distinct whiff of Mina. I love that so much. Did you know that I needed you?

That makes me think of the song by Townes Van Zandt:

If I needed you would you come to me,
Would you come to me, and ease my pain?
If you needed me
I would come to you
I’d swim the seas for to ease your pain

You always come to me when I need you, even when you’re not physically here. I know that you no longer need me because you’re whole and healthy and young and happy and I’m so glad that you got your miracle.

Keep coming around, sweetie girl. It’s very isolating at home; I don’t see anyone any more without you to be my “best calling card.” I’m not ready to go solo in this life, despite the overwhelming presence of your absence.

All my love

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