**UPDATE** Mina will stay at VIMP until 3 p.m. Dr. Smith explained that Dr. Birnbaum is in a procedure and hasn’t been able to write Mina’s discharge orders and give her a final once-over. I called back to find out how much my bill will be and it’s not completed but it’s already more than I expected. More than I have in my checking account and I can’t make a transfer until July 1. I’ve used up all my transfers this month. So, I applied online for another loan to help cover the rest of Mina’s chemotherapy. I just hope it’s enough and that I can afford the payments. To say I’m despairing today is true.

Mina is at VIMP where she’ll be until around 11:30 a.m. Right about now, the LVTs are taking her blood and urine to make sure she’s fit for today’s 90-minute infusion of chemotherapy’s nastiest, and most effective, drug.

She didn’t want to stay and even burped up some puke while we waited for her paperwork. The tech came out with some Litmus paper to test the puke and then cleaned it up for us. Mina was shaking when the tech took her to the lab. I feel bad for her because she’s nervous but I know they take very good care of her.

They’ll do a CBC and if her numbers are good they’ll give her the infusion. If not, they’ll call me to come and get her and reschedule it. I put her on the scale in the waiting room and she’s lost nearly another pound this week. I simply can’t get her to eat much of anything, despite the mirtazipine. I told them this in the form I fill out every week to let them know how she managed the last chemo.

If she does get the doxo today, it’s going to be a rough week for her. That shit make her feel nauseated all the time, and she eats even less. But next Tuesday starts her rest week so I’m hoping to shovel as much food down her as possible before we start the third quarter.

As for me, I’m running out of money and it’s causing me enormous anxiety. I talked to Dr. Cliver last night, one of Mina’s regular vets, and I told her that if we both survive the chemo it’ll be a miracle. I honestly had no idea – NONE – how difficult this was going to be for Mina and myself. Mina’s a champ, she’s doing the very best she can, but I’m the worst cancer caregiver on the planet. I don’t sleep much, I’m cranky, and I can’t concentrate for very long. Last week was supposed to be a vacation, but I swear that Mina was depressed when I didn’t go to work yesterday. I think she needs a break from the constant insanity of my anxiety.

More later when they call me.

s.

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