We’re having a rough time here in the Cancer Ward.

Last night, as I was getting ready for bed, I found two puke deposits in a corner of my bedroom behind a dining table chair. Two piles of rice and Sunshine Burgers, no liquid, no brown stuff, no “coffee grounds,” just Mina’s dinner. It cleaned up easily, at least.

This morning I couldn’t sleep past 3 a.m. so I took Mina out in the pouring rain for a quick pee, gave her the famotidine, then tried to go back to bed. No luck. We went outside around 4:45 a.m. and about halfway through our walk Mina vomited again. This time it was the usual yellow, foamy stuff that she’s been puking up her entire life, and two partially-digested Dasuquin MSM tablets. That makes three episodes of vomiting and one diarrhea for this chemo week.

I need some good information on what to feed Mina. I’m getting advice from good people but none of it’s working for her. I can’t keep feeding her whatever I think she’ll eat. She needs solid nutrition and something that will stay down and I need to know WHY she’s not eating. Is it the chemo or the cancer? Is it Mina herself? WHAT? She’s lost at least two pounds this week from the looks of her and the feel of her bones. This cannot go on for 19 fucking weeks – she won’t survive the damn chemo if she’s a skeleton.

CLEARLY I’M SOMEWHAT ANXIOUS LATELY. That’s not helping either of us. Maybe Dr. Lundquist, the holistic vet we’re seeing on Friday, will have some answers. I dunno what to do. I just don’t know what to do. Neither of us is eating right, we’re both massively stressed and anxious, I’ve been home for FIVE DAYS just cleaning up pee and worrying about what to feed Mina and I believe I’ve reached the end of the rope.